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But neither of us puts sex on a pedestal. My conservative estimate is about guys a year for more than three decades.

Why do I do it? Some women like yoga, some like badminton.

I like carnality. I am actually married. We see it for what it is: separate from love.

Barry goes with other women. He sort of joked we should try it; I told him not to be daft, and he never mentioned it again.

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But I kept looking at the mag and imagining how fun it might be. Eventually I told him we should give it a go. He looked like a kid at Christmas. The first couple we met — through the listings in that magazine — were university lecturers in their 40s, and I still remember driving to their home that Friday.

And it went… joyously. As soon as we met them I was flirting with the guy.

John was sophisticated and handsome, and Ourtime com my account dinner there was this intense chemistry. Afterwards, there were a few minutes when just he and I were in the living room, and I thought it was now or never so I kissed him, and that was that. We became committed swingers, spending weekends meeting up with couples or going to parties to swap partners. Suddenly everything was exciting.

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Some couples — like John and his wife — would become close friends, even when the sex stopped. I remember driving there feeling almost uncontrollably lustful.

We were fed up with work and wanted to do something we were passionate about. Not every lover is attentive. I remember in my 40s going with an year-old, just to see what it would be like. Quick was the answer.

Barry is normally in the same room or not far away. I had only three lovers last year. But if guys still find me attractive — well, why not? Do you have an experience to share? experience theguardian.

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